7 Tips to Minimize Conflict in Divorce

Sometimes, despite our best efforts and desire to keep the family intact, divorce looms. Yet, how do you navigate divorce and custody issues with a partner whose high-conflict behavior has made divorce the only option? I asked William “Bill” Eddy, MCSW, JD, to offer some advice (below).

As an attorney, therapist, mediator, and president of the High Conflict Institute, Eddy provides consultations and training about managing high-conflict personalities to professionals, including attorneys, judges, mediators, mental health professionals, and human resource professionals.

By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
President, High Conflict Institute

Some parents considering divorce have questions about dealing with the “High-Conflict” behavior of a partner whose untreated ADHD creates intractable problems. This is a familiar problem for any parent dealing with a High-Conflict co-parent who remains in denial about any mental-health condition. While I’m going to refer to an ex-husband here, the same information applies to ex-wives in denial about their own conditions.

The first three tips are reminders to yourself; the last four tips are actions to take. [Read more…]

TotallyADD But “In Denial”? Try Humor!

Are you living with an “in-denial” adult with ADHD? Try humor. For starters, check out this short video featuring Canadian writer/director/actor Rick Green and maybe share it with your partner. Then both of you can (I hope) have a laugh.

In case you didn’t figure it out, Rick has ADHD. And guess what? Ava Green, his wife, works with him as video story editor. And together they produced the much-acclaimed GlobalTV documentary ADD and Loving It?!, featuring Canadian actor Patrick McKenna. Here is the description from the TotallyADD website: [Read more…]

Adult ADHD Diagnosis, “Sleep Issues,” and Sex

This ADHD partner blog exists primarily to share the results of my ADHD Partner Survey. Occasionally, though, I will post related information of particular interest to the partners of adults with ADHD.

With this post,  I’d like to point you to several helpful “hot topic” articles posted on my other websites.

After 10+ years of moderating the online ADHD Partner group (an international free online group for the partners of adults with ADHD), I know these are “hot topics.” And my posts are designed  to help you slow your own personal ADHD Roller Coaster.

ADHD and Sleep:

This is a topic I’ve educated about for years, and still many people (including clinicians) are surprised to learn that many ADHD symptoms conspire to impair good sleep–for your partner with ADHD and you.  Click here to read my post on this topic, “To Sleep, Perchance to Turn Off that *&$@# Computer.” Definitely read the many validating, illuminating comments (leave one to help others, if you  like).

Look forward to an e-book I’m writing on the topic, full of helpful sleeptime strategies!

ADHD and Sex:

Who knew? A “little kid’s disorder” that makes them “fidget in the classroom” can create problems with adult sexual intimacy, and indeed any type of intimacy? [Read more…]

New: The “Get Organized!” ADHD Partner Store

One certain way to ease your stress is working with your ADHD partner to ease his or her stress.  For many of us, that means organization strategies that work for the entire household.

I’ve just spent my Sunday morning shopping on Amazon for helpful products to get you thinking in terms of external structural support for your partner with ADHD.  (See the “Get Organized” box to the left.)

You might do very well organizing your personal items in drawers and cabinets, but most adults with ADHD need visual storage systems  (otherwise, items out of sight are also out of mind).  If you want to avoid clutter but your ADHD partner needs visual cues, the compromise might be neatly contained but highly visible solutions.

For example, I found  handy devices for [Read more…]

ADHD: Cause or Result? Two News Stories

Do you ever read news stories that raise giant red flags of ADHD yet never mention it by name? I  just read two such stories, and my mind was flooded with the thousands of posts I’ve read over the years from partners of adults with ADHD that touched directly on the topics. chicken_or_egg

The first story reported a study indicating that children in day care are more impulsive and bigger risk takers than children who did not go to day care or who spent less time in day care.

The second story explored the effect of  electronic  devices on the human brain, including addiction.

Common Mistake: Confusing Association With Causation

But first, I’d like to point out a common error with  psychological (and sometimes even medical) research: confusing association with causation.

That is,  researchers claim research shows cause-and-effect (“causation”) when really all it shows is a  relationship between two variables (“association”).  More often, researchers do not make this claim; they merely suggest “risk factors” (a risk factor for Alzheimer’s is advanced age).  But reporters (and sometimes the press office of the university associated with the research) overstate the connection between cause and effect. [Read more…]