Before I began writing Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? (pictured at left), I’d spent several years being a member and then a moderator of support groups for the partners of adults with ADHD. That means I’d heard plenty about the “hot spots” created by unrecognized ADHD symptoms—issues with money, household chores, clutter, sex, co-parenting, and video-game obsessions.
Perhaps, though, the more vocal group members weren’t truly representative of the majority. And, might there even be topics that few knew to connect with ADHD—perhaps a mate’s restless-leg syndrome or daredevil driving habits?
What about subjects that members might feel too timid to broach, including sexual challenges? And for those whose partners had tried medication for ADHD, what factors seemed to contribute to its success or failure?
I decided to develop and conduct a survey to answer those questions and more.
To date, this is the largest, most comprehensive survey on this subject. Although not scientific, its methods were rigorous and its findings mirror those of existing ADHD studies, including those that focus on partnership.
Moreover, most scientific studies involve people with ADHD who either are already diagnosed or are pursuing treatment (so-called “clinic-referred” patients). The ADHD Partner Survey covers that population, but it also offers a rarer, more intimate glimpse into lives wherein ADHD has gone unrecognized and untreated for decades and firmly remains that way.
We cannot know for sure that those partners who remain unevaluated actually have ADHD, but the chances seem strong, given the respondents’ selections from a list of ADHD diagnostic traits. In fact, of the 118 respondents whose partners had sought an evaluation, 92 percent were indeed diagnosed with ADHD. Perhaps this indicates that support-group members are rather astute at linking ADHD symptoms with their partners’ behaviors. (Several more might have been diagnosed if the person had not abruptly walked out of the appointment or if the professional had better expertise in evaluating for ADHD.)
Selected Data
The survey data presented in Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is limited to a select group: the 111 respondents whose partners have been officially diagnosed with ADHD. Moreover, these respondents knew their ADHD partners before medication treatment (79 percent of the 111) or their ADHD partners have never taken medication (21 percent).
Why select this sub-group? Because my book addresses the challenges created by untreated ADHD (typically on the moderate-to-severe side of the spectrum) and explains treatment strategies. This group could therefore provide a clearer picture of life before and after treatment. (Unless a survey question specifically asked about the effect of medication on behavior, respondents based their answers on their ADHD partners’ behavior before medication.)
At some point, The ADHD Partner Survey blog will consider other subsets of the data as well. For now, we’ll study responses from the 111 respondents with partners who have been diagnosed.
Survey Limitations
We do not know how data from support-group members (the majority of survey respondents) compares to a control group-that is, people who are not in a support group, not having trouble in their relationship, or not involved with an adult who has ADHD. That might happen in the future, but it will be tricky to identify couples in troubled relationships that aren’t, in fact, affected by ADHD; it is too widely missed and misunderstood, even by nationally recognized relationship experts.
For now, the data is simply meant to help readers piece together the puzzle of recognizing how ADHD might be affecting their lives.
Survey Method
In October and November of 2004, 148 respondents completed the password-protected, 175-question online survey. Another 14 completed the survey in spring 2005, for a total of 162 respondents.
Each had many opportunities to include textual responses that clarified or expanded on their selections. Anonymity was assured. The sheer number of respondents is remarkable, as is the completion rate: only a handful dropped out, typically because of technical problems with their computers or Internet access. Clearly, these respondents were highly motivated to help educate others.
Participants
Participants were limited to individuals whose stories I had followed long enough in the support group to be confident of their legitimacy. The 111 respondents whose answers are reported in this book show the following demographics (for full demographic data, click here):
- 86 percent had male partners and 14 percent had female partners.
- Most reported being in heterosexual relationships, with 6 percent being in same-sex relationships.
- Ages ranged from 22 to 75 (with the majority from 36 to 53).
- Most respondents lived in the United States, but 14 percent resided in the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, or Israel.
- 50 percent were college graduates and 28 percent held postgraduate degrees. (By contrast, only 26 percent of their ADHD partners were college grads, but 29 percent held postgraduate degrees.)
- Of the 71 percent who disclosed annual household income, 50 percent reported earning $91,000 and above, and 20 percent reported earning $50,000 or below.
–Gina Pera
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