Comments for Charting the ADHD Roller Coaster's Thrills and Spills http://adhdpartner.org Findings from a survey querying the partners of adults with ADHD Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:34:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 Comment on The Signs of Adult ADHD are Obvious, Right? Wrong! by Linda H http://adhdpartner.org/pre-diagnosis-misperceptions/the-signs-of-adhd-are-obvious-right-wrong/#comment-30 Linda H Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:11:28 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=15#comment-30 Before I was diagnosed in 2002, I thought that ADHD was something that children had, but that they would grow out of it. After all, my sibling grew up with an learning disability and ADHD. Then I went to a psychiatrist for an evaluation to have weight loss surgery, and after the 2nd meeting he told me that he thought that I had ADD, too! I left that meeting thinking that this doctor surely had bumped his head, that he had NO clue about that. After all, I wasn't hyper, and I certainly wasn't learning disabled! So, I guess that I believed that the 2 diagnoses went hand in hand. Shortly thereafter, I stumbled onto a website hosted by Daniel G. Amen, MD and I decided to take his ADD quiz. Sure enough, I answered those questions and the quiz came back with the probable diagnosis of ADD. So, I started reading all that I could about the subject, and finally I agreed with the original diagnosis. However, my ADD did not originate in my childhood. My ADD came from a traumatic brain injury when I was 13. I was involved in a rear-end collision, and my forehead bubbled the windshield. Hence, the frontal lobes were damaged in that accident. I never understood why I did such a huge turnaround in the way that I was before the accident and the way that I was afterwards. It was literally 180 degrees of difference in the child before and after. I always attributed this change to my parent's getting a divorce, and it wasn't until I read Amen's Healing the Hardware of the Soul that I realized where the ADD came from. I do embrace my ADD. I do not consider it to be a character flaw or a defect in who I am. I think it makes me "colorful", creative, and interesting. I do drive my husband insane with the impulsivity aspect, however. I hope to find some sort of online support group if possible. I am not so sure that I am ready to face a group of folks with ADD. On one hand, it would be a relief to know that I am not alone, but on the other hand I think it would make the symptoms that I deal with every day so much more larger than life, which would overwhelm me to the point that I would fixate on what is wrong with me, if that makes any sense. I will continue reading this book and see what I can glean from it to make our lives less chaotic and far more pleasurable. Thanks so much for writing this book! Linda Before I was diagnosed in 2002, I thought that ADHD was something that children had, but that they would grow out of it. After all, my sibling grew up with an learning disability and ADHD. Then I went to a psychiatrist for an evaluation to have weight loss surgery, and after the 2nd meeting he told me that he thought that I had ADD, too! I left that meeting thinking that this doctor surely had bumped his head, that he had NO clue about that. After all, I wasn’t hyper, and I certainly wasn’t learning disabled! So, I guess that I believed that the 2 diagnoses went hand in hand.

Shortly thereafter, I stumbled onto a website hosted by Daniel G. Amen, MD and I decided to take his ADD quiz. Sure enough, I answered those questions and the quiz came back with the probable diagnosis of ADD. So, I started reading all that I could about the subject, and finally I agreed with the original diagnosis.

However, my ADD did not originate in my childhood. My ADD came from a traumatic brain injury when I was 13. I was involved in a rear-end collision, and my forehead bubbled the windshield. Hence, the frontal lobes were damaged in that accident. I never understood why I did such a huge turnaround in the way that I was before the accident and the way that I was afterwards. It was literally 180 degrees of difference in the child before and after. I always attributed this change to my parent’s getting a divorce, and it wasn’t until I read Amen’s Healing the Hardware of the Soul that I realized where the ADD came from.

I do embrace my ADD. I do not consider it to be a character flaw or a defect in who I am. I think it makes me “colorful”, creative, and interesting. I do drive my husband insane with the impulsivity aspect, however.

I hope to find some sort of online support group if possible. I am not so sure that I am ready to face a group of folks with ADD. On one hand, it would be a relief to know that I am not alone, but on the other hand I think it would make the symptoms that I deal with every day so much more larger than life, which would overwhelm me to the point that I would fixate on what is wrong with me, if that makes any sense.

I will continue reading this book and see what I can glean from it to make our lives less chaotic and far more pleasurable. Thanks so much for writing this book!
Linda

]]> Comment on What Does Adult ADHD “Look Like”? by anon http://adhdpartner.org/basics/traits/#comment-20 anon Mon, 08 Sep 2008 07:32:04 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=3#comment-20 oh yes, they can be extremely lovable, distractable, playful and all of the other weird but cute, sexy and fun things until... you get tired of the nutty professor bit and want a partner who can share in a conversation about dealing with day to day "stuff" oh and live the day to day stuff without suddenly losing their notorious sense of humor when(in my opinon) they need it the most and do a complete one sixty on you and make you out to be the biggest jerk who ever crossed their path(spit,spit). He would like to be a dad - but just not yet... He is 44, I am 38... this has been my life for the last 13 years, I wish he had been diagnosed by his parents and treated as a child, instead of having to go through life struggling without answers, but I belive it runs in his family(major constant drama!-huge) ugh. Thank goodness for the on-line support group I found out of blind desperation not even knowing that adults could have add. It has been a huge education and hopefully more people learn of this and can work towards understanding and treatment of ADHD in adults. best wishes everyone- oh yes, they can be extremely lovable, distractable, playful and all of the other weird but cute, sexy and fun things until… you get tired of the nutty professor bit and want a partner who can share in a conversation about dealing with day to day “stuff” oh and live the day to day stuff without suddenly losing their notorious sense of humor when(in my opinon) they need it the most and do a complete one sixty on you and make you out to be the biggest jerk who ever crossed their path(spit,spit). He would like to be a dad - but just not yet… He is 44, I am 38… this has been my life for the last 13 years, I wish he had been diagnosed by his parents and treated as a child, instead of having to go through life struggling without answers, but I belive it runs in his family(major constant drama!-huge) ugh.

Thank goodness for the on-line support group I found out of blind desperation not even knowing that adults could have add. It has been a huge education and hopefully more people learn of this and can work towards understanding and treatment of ADHD in adults.
best wishes everyone-

]]> Comment on “I Wish I’d Known Earlier About Adult ADHD” - Part 2 by Susan http://adhdpartner.org/i-wish-id-known-earlier/i-wish-id-known-earlier-about-adult-adhd-part-2/#comment-19 Susan Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:25:43 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=23#comment-19 We only found out recently that my husband does indeed have ADHD. I wish I had known earlier that my husband's inability to deal successfully with his porn addictions for 25 years likely has less to do with his lack of will power and more to do with how his ADHD brain functions. This has been the cause of great pain and disappointment in our marriage for many years. Stimulation medications could possibly lessen his need for stimulation from illicit sources. After trying numerous therapy routes unsuccessfully, we now are ready to explore the medication route. We've nothing to lose and everything to gain. We only found out recently that my husband does indeed have ADHD. I wish I had known earlier that my husband’s inability to deal successfully with his porn addictions for 25 years likely has less to do with his lack of will power and more to do with how his ADHD brain functions. This has been the cause of great pain and disappointment in our marriage for many years. Stimulation medications could possibly lessen his need for stimulation from illicit sources. After trying numerous therapy routes unsuccessfully, we now are ready to explore the medication route. We’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain.

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by Christina http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-18 Christina Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:23:31 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-18 My husband's nephew was diagnosed with ADD and his sister told me she was sure that my husband was AADD. We had been to marriage counselors repeatedly and I was at my wit's end with trying to cope. My adolescent daughter was creating strategies to avoid confrontations between her dad and myself; she was behaving in a more mature manner than he was. I had talked repeatedly with my sister-in-law about my difficulties in coping. My husband hasn't felt that medications have helpful; though I keep hoping for some miracle pill. Most of the time, I know how to cope, but he still makes indredibly ridiculous decisions which cause great difficulties. I often feel that I'm "in a handbasket headed for hell!" My husband’s nephew was diagnosed with ADD and his sister told me she was sure that my husband was AADD. We had been to marriage counselors repeatedly and I was at my wit’s end with trying to cope. My adolescent daughter was creating strategies to avoid confrontations between her dad and myself; she was behaving in a more mature manner than he was. I had talked repeatedly with my sister-in-law about my difficulties in coping.
My husband hasn’t felt that medications have helpful; though I keep hoping for some miracle pill. Most of the time, I know how to cope, but he still makes indredibly ridiculous decisions which cause great difficulties.
I often feel that I’m “in a handbasket headed for hell!”

]]> Comment on “I Wish I’d Known Earlier About Adult ADHD” by Katharine http://adhdpartner.org/i-wish-id-known-earlier/what-do-you-wish-youd-known-earlier-about-adhd/#comment-17 Katharine Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:59:05 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=22#comment-17 Before my oldest son's AD/HD was diagnosed and treated, my husband and I thought that we must be really bad parents ... despite the fact that I'd raised a wonderful daughter in my first marriage. At times, we didn't like our son, as sad as that is. And before my husband's AD/HD was diagnosed and treated, we had so many fights and I felt so ignored. In the grasp of the emotional pain caused by his behaviors, I forgot the sweet, sweet person underneath, and he came to think that all I ever did was complain. We can't get those years back and we're happily coping now, but how cruel it is that it isn't common knowledge how hard AD/HD can be on adult relationships. So much hurt could be prevented. My husband and I know a young couple who just divorced shortly after marriage because, we think, he has undiagnosed AD/HD and would often forget to pay her the attention she needed. So sad! Before my oldest son’s AD/HD was diagnosed and treated, my husband and I thought that we must be really bad parents … despite the fact that I’d raised a wonderful daughter in my first marriage. At times, we didn’t like our son, as sad as that is. And before my husband’s AD/HD was diagnosed and treated, we had so many fights and I felt so ignored. In the grasp of the emotional pain caused by his behaviors, I forgot the sweet, sweet person underneath, and he came to think that all I ever did was complain. We can’t get those years back and we’re happily coping now, but how cruel it is that it isn’t common knowledge how hard AD/HD can be on adult relationships. So much hurt could be prevented. My husband and I know a young couple who just divorced shortly after marriage because, we think, he has undiagnosed AD/HD and would often forget to pay her the attention she needed. So sad!

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by Tanya http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-16 Tanya Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:40:39 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-16 My husband and I had been in counseling with a therapist after 19 years of marriage. The therapist told me he suspected something and asked to see my husband for a few sessions by himself. After a few sessions he tested my husband and found him to be ADD. We then tested our 18 year old son too who struggled in school but with no teacher ever telling us to have him tested for ADD. Since there was no hyperactivity it was hard to recognize as ADD. We have had many struggles and now I can say that most of them can be atributed to ADD. I have had my frustrations because of how the relationship is affected and I have had to educated myself about this disability, actually much more than my husband is willing to educate himself. He is currently on medication, but that too was a struggle for him to admit that he needed to take medication for a disability. My husband and I had been in counseling with a therapist after 19 years of marriage. The therapist told me he suspected something and asked to see my husband for a few sessions by himself. After a few sessions he tested my husband and found him to be ADD. We then tested our 18 year old son too who struggled in school but with no teacher ever telling us to have him tested for ADD. Since there was no hyperactivity it was hard to recognize as ADD. We have had many struggles and now I can say that most of them can be atributed to ADD. I have had my frustrations because of how the relationship is affected and I have had to educated myself about this disability, actually much more than my husband is willing to educate himself. He is currently on medication, but that too was a struggle for him to admit that he needed to take medication for a disability.

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by Sarah http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-15 Sarah Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:31:45 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-15 My boyfriend was diagnosed and received treatment in his early teens, but by the time I met him he was no longer in treatment. He told me that he had ADHD, but I thought that just meant he would have a difficult time sitting still...and that obviously wasn't a problem for him since he could sit at the computer for hours at a time playing video games! It wasn't until our relationship was nearly destroyed and we made a last-ditch effort to save it by going to see a counselor that I learned (through the counselor) that ADHD was to blame for the majority of his problematic behaviors. We're still trying to find a medication regimen that works well for him, but every little bit helps, and just knowing that a behavior is related to ADHD helps us to find ways to cope with the behavior. We still struggle in our relationship, but we've made a lot of progress and see that there's hope for a future without so much "drama." My boyfriend was diagnosed and received treatment in his early teens, but by the time I met him he was no longer in treatment. He told me that he had ADHD, but I thought that just meant he would have a difficult time sitting still…and that obviously wasn’t a problem for him since he could sit at the computer for hours at a time playing video games! It wasn’t until our relationship was nearly destroyed and we made a last-ditch effort to save it by going to see a counselor that I learned (through the counselor) that ADHD was to blame for the majority of his problematic behaviors. We’re still trying to find a medication regimen that works well for him, but every little bit helps, and just knowing that a behavior is related to ADHD helps us to find ways to cope with the behavior. We still struggle in our relationship, but we’ve made a lot of progress and see that there’s hope for a future without so much “drama.”

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by Susan http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-14 Susan Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:44:38 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-14 I began suspecting my husband had ADHD after doing some research and reading some books on it. Some of the stories of his childhood struggles (tics, not being able to stay seated in school, riding a borrowed bike to the movies and then walking home, forgetting he had ridden one to the movies, etc.) and struggles in our marriage, finally could be explained in the context of ADHD. It never dawned on four different marriage counselors that this could be the root cause of our problems. What an eye opener! My husband has subsequently been diagnosed with ADHD, and we will explore treatment in the light of this new understanding. I began suspecting my husband had ADHD after doing some research and reading some books on it. Some of the stories of his childhood struggles (tics, not being able to stay seated in school, riding a borrowed bike to the movies and then walking home, forgetting he had ridden one to the movies, etc.) and struggles in our marriage, finally could be explained in the context of ADHD. It never dawned on four different marriage counselors that this could be the root cause of our problems. What an eye opener! My husband has subsequently been diagnosed with ADHD, and we will explore treatment in the light of this new understanding.

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by christy http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-13 christy Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:49:34 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-13 My partner realizes that there is most likely an ADHD diagnosis that should be made but I feel he is not ready to take accountabily and accept all the years of undiagnosis means and who that makes him in the long run. My partner realizes that there is most likely an ADHD diagnosis that should be made but I feel he is not ready to take accountabily and accept all the years of undiagnosis means and who that makes him in the long run.

]]> Comment on “How Did You Learn Your Partner Has ADHD?” by christy http://adhdpartner.org/adhd-symptoms/how-did-you-learn-your-partner-has-adhd/#comment-12 christy Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:37:30 +0000 http://adhdpartner.org/?p=17#comment-12 My partner always told me that he felt different than everyone else growing up. He is an extremely charming and genuine person but there were always little "quirks" that would come up and turn into major incidences that did not seem real and would be hard to explain to anyone looking in from the outside that seemed to think what could possibly be your problem? You seem to have it all. But you can not explain when things go topsy turvy and you don't have an answer. You can't tell the extremes that everything goes to because this is not how you were raised to be and you think you are a much stronger person than what is happening to you right now . Fights appear out of thin air while you are looking like a cartoon character shaking your head and going Whaaaat???! Who is this person that I love??? and how could my judgment be soo off? And then he goes back to being "normal". Not just normal but all your dreams come true. I wanted to find the bottom of what was going on, I wanted to have a family with this person and I could not understand our dynamic even when he said that I was the person that he would want to have kids with too. My partner always told me that he felt different than everyone else growing up. He is an extremely charming and genuine person but there were always little “quirks” that would come up and turn into major incidences that did not seem real and would be hard to explain to anyone looking in from the outside that seemed to think what could possibly be your problem? You seem to have it all.

But you can not explain when things go topsy turvy and you don’t have an answer. You can’t tell the extremes that everything goes to because this is not how you were raised to be and you think you are a much stronger person than what is happening to you right now . Fights appear out of thin air while you are looking like a cartoon character shaking your head and going Whaaaat???! Who is this person that I love??? and how could my judgment be soo off? And then he goes back to being “normal”. Not just normal but all your dreams come true. I wanted to find the bottom of what was going on, I wanted to have a family with this person and I could not understand our dynamic even when he said that I was the person that he would want to have kids with too.

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