You know, I really should have a “partner test,” shouldn’t I?

But maybe you’re talking about the ADHD Partner Survey, on which this blog is based?

I conducted that survey several years ago, and I use this blog to share the results. I have thought about re-opening the survey but haven’t made any plans to do that yet.

If I do, I will let the readers of this blog know.

thank you!

Each of them has described a “quirk” to me, but nobody figured out
that those quirks added up to this ADHD problem.

These are some of the things they have said to me:

“You can’t tell him too much, just say exactlywhat you want, or what you mean, or he won’t be able to respond.”

“I don’t know why he’s 49 and single, he seems like a nice guy, just hasn’t found the right girl.”

“He has all these brilliant ideas, I don’t know why he doesn’t make any money.”

“My sister said he seems to drink a lot, but she doesn’t drink, so maybe it just seems like a lot to her.” (self-medicating?)

“I’m worried about his hearing, sometimes when we talk to him he just doesn’t hear me.”

“We told him the dates and times, but he just doesn’t remember, or he didn’t want you to know.”

Because he travels, we weren’t together for a length of time so that I could
observe all these behaviors and add them up. Individually these behaviors
are “quirks”; added together I think it is a diagnosis. Mostly the not
hearing/not remembering.

I have to find out his job schedule from his brother’s girlfriend. I thought I was looking like an idiot because my BF didn’t tell me anything, or he was keeping it from me ( a major relationship violation). Aarrgghh!

I’m glad you found the support you were seeking at a CHADD meeting, Diane. It’s a great organization, with all chapters run by local volunteers.

Linda, I am shocked that the possibility of brain trauma after that car accident was never discussed with you and your parents. Dr. Amen has done us all a great service by always strongly emphasizing how common brain injuries are and how seldom psychiatrists will ask about them.

I think I understand what you’re saying about attending a group. So much of the “tone” of the group depends on the regular attendees and the moderator. Maybe you could contact the leader of any group in your area and ask about the group first.

Our local group in Palo Alto is a very friendly and welcoming group. In fact, it’s quite entertaining! No one is put on the spot, yet eventually everyone feels comfortable contributing and conversing. We all learn a tremendous amount, and there is often a great sense of relief among newcomers….finally, people who get it.

Maybe by now you’ve gotten through more of the book and have a better sense of the treatment strategies available to people with ADHD.

I suspect that part of the “overwhelm” you fear might be not knowing what to do after you start acknowledging the more troublesome aspects of ADHD symptoms (including driving your husband insane…that’s never good…lol!). It might feel like opening a Pandora’s box.

In that case, it probably makes sense to find a group that is moderated by someone who is very knowledgeable in ADHD and its treatment — perhaps a therapist who specializes in it.

My best to you both,
Gina

Shortly thereafter, I stumbled onto a website hosted by Daniel G. Amen, MD and I decided to take his ADD quiz. Sure enough, I answered those questions and the quiz came back with the probable diagnosis of ADD. So, I started reading all that I could about the subject, and finally I agreed with the original diagnosis.

However, my ADD did not originate in my childhood. My ADD came from a traumatic brain injury when I was 13. I was involved in a rear-end collision, and my forehead bubbled the windshield. Hence, the frontal lobes were damaged in that accident. I never understood why I did such a huge turnaround in the way that I was before the accident and the way that I was afterwards. It was literally 180 degrees of difference in the child before and after. I always attributed this change to my parent’s getting a divorce, and it wasn’t until I read Amen’s Healing the Hardware of the Soul that I realized where the ADD came from.

I do embrace my ADD. I do not consider it to be a character flaw or a defect in who I am. I think it makes me “colorful”, creative, and interesting. I do drive my husband insane with the impulsivity aspect, however.

I hope to find some sort of online support group if possible. I am not so sure that I am ready to face a group of folks with ADD. On one hand, it would be a relief to know that I am not alone, but on the other hand I think it would make the symptoms that I deal with every day so much more larger than life, which would overwhelm me to the point that I would fixate on what is wrong with me, if that makes any sense.

I will continue reading this book and see what I can glean from it to make our lives less chaotic and far more pleasurable. Thanks so much for writing this book!
Linda