Comments on: Did The Traits That Attracted You…..Remain?

By: eunice

eunice — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:50:15 +0000

It’s me again! I helped my son to move away from Indpolis in Aug 2009.We got him involved with a new councelor and a new doc. I went with him at first to the new councelor and a friend who is a retired pediatrician went with him to the new doc. This pediatrician had a wife and a son who were ADHD and he was insistant to the new doc that my son had no evidence of Bipolor disorder but definitely was ADHD and the new doc accepted that. Now several months later the new doc is trying to put him on Bipolar meds and the councelor has quit seeing him probably because he has no job or insurance. When will this end–I am afraid my son is again suicidal! At least his exwife is letting him alone but not the mother of his 16 yr old son–he is very upset by the situation and the guardian ad litum who is an attorney has been very unprofessional–she is on the side of the person who has the money! The child’s mom has tried everything to keep my son and me from seeing the child–you’d think the boy was still six instead of 16 and has the mental capacity of a young boy! She wants my son to only have supervised visits–my grandson is as big as his dad and his dad has never done anything inappropriate with his son. My grandson and his mom have both been diagnosed with ADHD and on medication. The boy is also very lacking in social skills.

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:19:56 +0000

Caren, your comment made me laugh out loud. My husband jokes that he has “given me” his ADD.

Gina, I am going to have to go buy your book! Some of the postings above really hit home for me.

My husband and I have been in counseling for about seven years now, and he began treatment for ADD about five years ago. We’ve been married twelve years, and I have to say that right now is the best it’s ever been. Before treatment for ADD (inattentive type), I was married to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The man could be so loving, so passionate, make me feel like the center of his universe. And then were the days (weeks, months?) I would walk on eggshells and never be able to say anything right. I was about ready to walk away when we finally went to counseling.

Now, after treatment for ADD and a LOT of talking (and no drinking) we are in a much better place. He can actually say to me “I’m having a hard day.” He can hear me when I say that something he did or said was hurtful. We are finding ways new ways to connect. But he still will not let me help him, which drives me insane. Here I am, the organized, reliable (well, not so much anymore), non-ADD spouse, ready, willing and able to help with love and understanding. But basically any system or technique I suggest is a bad idea, or somehow makes him feel like I’m patronizing him. If anyone other than me suggested the same thing, I have a feeling he would listen.

But back to the point of the posting…I believe treatment for ADD has allowed my husband’s positive qualities (like creativity, passion, energy, the ability to hyperfocus and juggle many tasks) to come to the forefront of our marriage. The negative qualities (lateness, forgetfulness, lack of organization, moodiness) are still there, but they are considerably tempered for both of us by understanding of and compassion for the challenges of living with ADD.

Then again, ask me again the next time he forgets his cell phone and stays out until 1 a.m.!

By: eunice

eunice — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:13:29 +0000

My son has gone for counceling, hospitalization, etc for 4 years and they never tried to get help for his ADD–just said he was bipolar. I have learned recently that ADD people can be severly depressed and suicidal which my son has b een. None of the professional people who worked with him seemed to understand ADD. I do not live in the same state that he lives in and had a lot of things going on because of my husbands dementia–the doctors from whom I was begging for help just blew me off–one even told me that we needed marriage counseling! Since my husband’s death in Jan 2009, I have been free to spend more time with my son and realized what was happening–Iwent with him to one of his counceling sessions and again he had a different counselor who did not know what he was there for. No one had seen him for 1 1/2 months. What is wrong with our professional medical and social workers? it may be too late to help my son–he’s 43 and they told us when he was diagnosed as a 3rd grader that he would outgrow it–now I know that they don’t.

By: Gina Pera

Gina Pera — Sat, 09 May 2009 00:19:24 +0000

Hi Caren,

Sounds like a case of “ADHD by Osmosis.”

It’s so common among the partners of adults with unrecognized/untreated ADHD, I write about it in the book.

(Sorry, my spam blocker hid your post until now.)

By: Caren

Caren — Sat, 02 May 2009 22:22:49 +0000

I don’t really know whether he’s changed. It feels like he has, but we’ve been through so much in our 8 years together that it’s hard to draw a line between circumstances changing, his changing, my changing. I do know one thing: I’ve changed.

Is it possible to be “functionally ADD”? I feel like I am! I’ve always been an extremely organized, logical person. A place for everything and everything in its place. Smooth, efficient routines for all life’s daily chores. An unusual and attractive home that always gave me the chance to relax. A generous, enthusiastic and grounded person. Past tense. Though we moved here 5 years ago, about half our stuff is still packed in boxes. We’ve never moved in. He had other priorities, which had to be mine, too. There’s always a project (or two) in the literal or figurative middle of whatever I’d like to accomplish. Don’t ask me “What did you do today?” because I cannot tell you, but I’m exhausted and I have even more to do tomorrow. This is so not me. Is ADD contagious?