What Traits Attracted You To Each Other?

Let’s visit the world of ADHD relationship stereotypes, where you’ll find this common assumption: A fun-loving person with ADHD (a passionate, creative, carefree, and spontaneous life-of-the-party type) pairs with a clock-watching, deadline-meeting, spirit-dampening, laundry-folding, i-dotting, dour, dull, and dutiful mate. Surely a match made in heaven, right? After all, opposites attract, don’t they?

Not so fast, as this chart helps to explain.

Sure, like all stereotypes, there is some truth to this mating polarity. But plenty of people with ADHD are socially phobic, dramatically unspontaneous, and overburdened by cares. Likewise, many partners of adults with ADHD can be masters of efficiency while also remaining flexible and easy-going, and displaying a great sense of humor.

Second, the stereotypes miss one big factor: the impact that untreated ADHD has on both people in a relationship over time. For example, to outside observers, some partners of adults with ADHD do seem rigid and controlling. But if you ask them, most say they didn’t start out that way. Rather, living with their ADHD partner’s untreated symptoms pretty much demanded they have enough control for the both of them! But that’s a topic for a future post

Right now, let’s examine the results of two questions in the ADHD Partner Survey, as shown in the graph above.

1. Which of your ADHD PARTNER’S (blue bar) traits attracted you?

2. Which of YOUR traits (red bar) do you suspect attracted your partner to you?

TagsADHD and relationship